Today I had an early appointment with my sleep doctor. I’m currently taking a medicine that seems to be somewhat helpful in controlling my periodic limb movement disorder. Wow that’s a mouthful isn’t it. They found that out when I had my sleep study a couple months ago. Thankfully I don’t have sleep apnea and won’t have to wear a mask. He did suggest an appliance from a dentist that would help me with snoring because he said that was part of the problem as well. It was going to be a little too pricey for me at the moment.
I had one of those “self talks”, if you can call it that. It’s really just a way for me to get some things out of my head and release some emotions that maybe have been built up. I’ve noticed that I seem to be very pensive when I’m taking my adhd meds. I’ve been pondering again today about taking the medicine that’s supposed to help alleviate the voices I’ve been hearing. If you google the name of the medicine, as I did, you can find all sorts of opinions and experiences from people who have taken it. Supposedly, it’s supposed to be one of the only drugs in it’s class that is weight neutral. Looking online the verdict seemed to be split. Some people said they didn’t gain any weight while others were very adamant that it causes you to pack on the pounds.
I’m trying to come to the place mentally where I can just begin to ignore the voices. I have a theory that many times, they are just an external expression of my own thoughts. How they became external and audible I’m not quite sure. John Nash started hearing things at the exact same age as me. He was 30 years old. Many years later he recovered quite remarkably. Someone asked him if it was a new medicine he was on. He said that he hadn’t been taking any medicine, but that he willed it to happen. He said that he started to think more rationally again and began to reject the voices. I am hopeful that I can do the same.
My whole focus has been on how and why the voices started. Maybe I need to shift my focus a little. I had thought that if I could figure out how they started that I could stop them, but what if that’s not a requirement? Why do I need to know how it started? I mean, I’m definitely curious as to what happened psychologically, but what does that have to do with this present moment? Something is going on in my mind obviously. Perhaps I’ve allowed my mind to do what it pleases and run amok. Most things are learned by repetition so it’s not too far fetched to believe that I can retrain my brain to do as I tell it. Scientists once thought that the brain’s circuitry was completely set by a certain age and that rewiring of the brain was not really possible. However, studies have clearly shown that the brain can change and that new connections can be formed. They call this neuroplasticity. I most certainly believe that it’s possible.
I just need to come up with a method or response that I can repeat whenever I hear the voices, which seems to be very often. This will require a lot of effort on my part to be diligent about it, but I’m hopeful that I can do it. I’ve got to go for now. Till next time.