You can never go back

Today I spent quite a bit of time reflecting on the past and in particular, my father. My dad passed away in 2012, but I still find myself discerning how much I am like him. I may have learned something about my father today that I had only ever speculated about in the past. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it just yet, but it was certainly something that added a new vantage point when viewing family dynamics.

My men’s group that I go to meets every Wednesday, so tonight was another opportunity to participate in community. The past few months I had stopped going on Wednesdays. I’m sure that I could come up with a bunch of reasons as to why, but I really felt the need to get plugged back in. I’ve still been going to my smaller group that meets on Sundays, but I still felt the need and desire to go and participate tonight. During our check in time, a man revealed some struggles that he has been having and I was once again thrust back into a stark reality. All of us involved in this group are going through different situations. Some are very different while others share similarities. Even though I still get nervous at just about every check in, I can definitely feel a release when sharing openly with other men. Listening to each person as they described their recent struggles, I was reminded that sometimes, no matter your expectations, you can be disappointed.

The person that was leading the group tonight was filling in for the guy that normally leads. I was so happy to see him in that role. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before, but knowing his story and seeing him step up like that always speaks volumes to me. After our meeting was over I was able to spend a good 45 minutes or so just walking around the parking lot with a treasured friend. This person is one of the most amazing individuals that I have the privilege of knowing. We were able to take time discussing how our last few days had been. I’m able to feel very much at peace when telling him certain things because there is such a trust that has been developed. I believe, or at least I hope that he feels the same way. He certainly is very open and honest with me so I’ll take that as a good sign.

One of the other guys, who is also an awesome friend, has invited several of us over to his house this weekend. If I’m not mistaken, we are going to have another music night. We go around the room and each person takes turns choosing a song that we all listen to. Many times we pull up the lyrics and discuss what meaning it may have. I feel like it gives a little bit of insight into a person’s life depending on what song they choose. Well, maybe not every time, but you get where I’m coming from.

There’s an interview with Chris Martin and Zane Lowe that I have watched several times. At one point in the interview, Zane makes this statement. “I was going through a tough time, and I said I just want to go back to the way things were. Somebody said to me, there’s no going back. You can never go back. You can either stand still and suffer, or you can plow through.”

I really found myself identifying with wanting to go back. I think that the realization that you can’t go back is one that has and is taking me a long time to come to. The truth is that I’m in this moment and this is my life right here and right now. I hope to be one of those who can plow through and begin to live my life in the here and now. It’s definitely not something that I find easy, but again most things in life are not. As always, if you are a reader, thank you so much and much love to you.

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