Can’t trust my body

I’m really struggling right now with stress due to “the voices” and trying to study for a biology test. I find myself wanting to check out again. My mind is saying to my body, “Just go ahead and get off, you know that you want it”. That’s what I had been doing time and time again for the last several months. My sobriety would maybe last two or three days, and that’s being a little generous. I’m trying to use this blog as an outlet and an escape. Any time I start feeling the temptation I’ve tried to reach out to someone in my small group or start blogging. It seems to be helping some.

The thing that really has been difficult is when I’ll have images or names flash through my mind. That’s the bad thing about porn is that even though I haven’t been watching it lately, my mind still remembers. I know from reading several articles that it takes a while for the chemical reactions in the brain to return to normal after stopping porn use. My mind wants to try and reason that it won’t really matter if I watch something because I can’t really be expected to maintain any kind of long lasting sobriety. All I know is that my body is weak, and I know that by giving in that it always begs for more. I’m going to try and get back to studying. Thanks for reading.

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