I just got home from an event and I have a new theory. Okay, it’s not really new because I’ve thought about it before. This could be the reason why I heard a voice say”This is why he’s had anxiety”, many months ago. Ever since I was probably around 11 or so I’ve struggled with anxiety. It manifested into social anxiety, which I believe is also linked to my o.c.d. When I was younger I believe I made developed ways in which to make myself feel better. These things could be counting rituals, having things lined up in certain ways, going back to check things over and over again, etc. Many of my obsessive tendencies morphed into obsessive thinking as I got older.
Anyway, back to what I was saying about the anxiety. When I was younger I would think that people were thinking certain things about me or maybe had negative thoughts toward me. This would of course make me nervous. While I’ve been researching people who hear voices I also came across something interesting. It was the theory that there are people out there who can ‘feel’ or ‘sense’ other people’s emotions. These people call themselves empaths. There are instances in the Bible where Jesus knew people’s thoughts. I believe even in the book of Acts that there may be a reference or two of similar things. Jesus said that His disciples would do the works He had done and greater things. I’m not at all implying that this is exactly what is going on with me, but it’s interesting to think about.
I started to think that what if those negative feelings that I was getting weren’t for me? I tried to find Christians who believed that they may have the traits of an empath. I’ll never forget reading this one woman’s blog. She wrote that she felt burdened and when she felt certain emotions or feelings that she didn’t know what to do with them at first. I may come back and provide a link to her entry because it’s much better than me trying to explain. To sum it up, she thought that those feelings and emotions were hers, but she learned to pray and release them to God because they didn’t belong to her.
Many times here lately, I feel like people’s thoughts are being broadcasted and I’m like an antenna that perhaps is picking up on them. When I’m at home, driving, or by myself these thoughts take the form of voices. When I’m around other people, it seems that I’ll get all these racing thoughts that remind me of a highway full of cars all going really fast. I mean what if racing thoughts is not always tied to obsessive compulsive disorder, especially if feels like other people’s thoughts instead of what I would be thinking. I’m not claiming to be telepathic, but I go back to an earlier blog when I said I’m looking for answers. Maybe this just is what it is, and there’s nothing that I can do about it. I don’t know. Well, that’s all for now. Till next time.