Old journals and phrases

I’ve been looking at my journal entries when I was keeping them in notebooks. ‘Niagara Falls’ is something that I heard all the way back in January of this year and I’m still hearing it today. ‘Chemicals’ is another word I heard both then and now. One of the more significant phrases has to do with a hospital. Today all I could catch was the one word hospital. The first time I heard it someone said, “He won’t come/go to the hospital”. I heard that phrase about a year ago. I had several thoughts when I heard that. First, my ex-girlfriend works at a hospital so my mind could be going there because of that. Secondly, I thought something may be wrong with me. The good news is that I’ve seen several different doctors and they all say that I’m in good health.

So what is the deal with a hospital? Again, outside of my ex working at one I don’t have any reason to be thinking about a hospital. The page in my journal that’s open right now is from January 12th of this year. I wrote down what I heard that day. “Let me call Michael”. “I want/need to tell Michael”. I remember that when I talked to my ex-girlfriend, really my best friend, for one of the last times she said something that had to do with her friend who’s name is Michael. I put a star by that one because I thought it was definitely significant that someone else would have a story or situation involving Michael right around the time that I would have been hearing that.

You know for a while I really believed that the doctors were going to tell me that I had something physically wrong with me. I thought for sure that it would be the answer to all of this. Again though, I appear to be in good health, which I’m certainly grateful for. I didn’t necessarily want there to be something there, but at the same time I was desperately looking for answers and I figured it would be where I would find them. The people I talk to about it have mostly done a good job of listening and trying to be understanding. However, I keep telling them that something strange is happening to me and it keeps happening. I refer back to what I have said in another blog. If I was merely hearing voices and that was all, that would be strange and abnormal in and of itself. When I hear voices and then what I hear happens, that’s something else altogether. It has become an almost every day occurrence. I always know when it happens because it feels like the world has briefly been put on pause. People could be laughing, talking, having a good time, and then I’ll hear it.

Someone may say it right there in front of me. I may hear it on a movie. It could be in an article or something that I look at on the internet. It has many different flavors of delivery, but it happens. Tonight I’ve taken my medicine a little early because I hope that it will kick in and that I can rest well this evening. I have a lab final in biology tomorrow morning and so I need good restful sleep tonight. I’ve been studying, but I’m still not too confident about it. I hope to get some more studying in tomorrow morning before the exam. I do plan on watching “500 Days of Summer” before going to bed tonight. I hardly remember the movie so I’m hoping it will be good. Till next time.


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