It happened again tonight. Earlier in the day I heard people talking and they used a specific word. Then while I was watching a movie this evening, there it was. I knew it the moment that I heard it. I left the theater, bought a Grapico, and then proceeded to drive home with tears in my eyes. As I was leaving the theater there were all these groups of people going and coming. I just felt so alone. There are times like tonight where I just feel alone. I hold on to the words that are in the Bible that say God will never leave me or forsake me.
The truth is, if I’m holding it together a little better at all, it’s because I don’t see any other option. This has been going on for a year now and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it. I don’t understand why this started happening to me. I’m still believing that God will give me wisdom on it, but right now the wisdom has not manifested. I’m just tired. Earlier today I also kept hearing the word “witness”. Do I know what that means? Nope.
I’m 21 days sober from pornography. I thought I’d be happier about it, but really I just wonder if I’ll ever marry anyway. God is faithful, but I’ve come to the conclusion that whether I marry or not, it doesn’t really matter anymore. Why would I ask someone to join me in this? How is that going to work? You know something that I don’t understand. I’ll have premonitions about all sorts of things and then they happen, but there are a set of premonitions that keep repeating and yet they never happen. I have a scripture that is very personal to me that I really cling to. I believe that it’s a promise that I have yet to see fulfilled. I still believe that one day I will see it fulfilled. It’s my hope.
I am your Father, says the Lord. You are not alone and will never be alone. I guide you with my eye. My grace is sufficient for you my son. Soon and very soon I will make all things new. You will see Me in all My glory. For I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last. You are my treasure, says the Lord. I have made you righteous, fully righteous by My blood. My kingdom is everlasting. It is not like the kingdoms of this world, which will all fail. I am with you now, says the Lord. I prepare the way before You. This is My Will, says the Lord. That you walk along the path that I have laid out for you. Each step is provided in advance. All that is required of you My child is to step out in faith and believe that it is there. I never promised that this life would be easy, says the Lord. What I promised is that I would be with you every step of the way.
I am true to My Word. Yes, My Word never fails. If I decree a thing, shall it not come to pass? The hour approaches, when the Son of Man shall return for His bride. You already have My deposit of My Holy Spirit living inside you. Now is harvest time says the Lord. You need not wait for it to come. Indeed, it is already here. For just as I said, the kingdom of Heaven violently advances. I see My children on the horizon. They are coming home and believe Me when I tell you that Heaven is rejoicing! Do not be confused, says the Lord. Satan has been defeated.