Okay, so I’m back to thinking very strongly that I may have some form of temporal lobe epilepsy. There have been situations in the past year that felt like I was having other worldly experiences. I even believe that the panic attack that I had at school one evening was me experiencing the symptoms of having a seizure. I would definitely say that what happened at school that evening was one of the scariest moments I’ve ever had in my life. I honestly thought that I was going to need to call an ambulance. I certainly didn’t think that I could drive myself home.
I remember that it started with me hearing people talking from what sounded like a room to the left of the library. I even remember asking the librarian if there would be a room to the left of where I was sitting. She said she didn’t think so and I ended up checking for myself. Then I remember walking toward the restroom and while I was in the hallway my legs felt like they were glued to the floor and it felt like my whole body was going numb. I started to think, “Am I having a heart attack?” I remember standing there for several minutes and then finally walking to my car where I proceeded to sit for several minutes. I called one of the men from my small group and told him what I was experiencing. Thankfully, after talking with him for several minutes I was able to drive myself home.
There have been a few other times in the past year that I had some similar feelings in my body. It would feel like my whole body was pulsating and again, I would feel weak in my limbs. As I’ve said, I’ve had several different tests done that all came back normal. I still think that maybe they need to dig a little bit deeper. I’ve read several accounts of people who’s EEG’s showed up normal and then later on they finally found out that they did have epilepsy. I’ve seen flashes of light, kind of like flares or if someone was to hold a sparkler right in front of your eyes for just a half second. I want to share a passage of text that I found from a website. I’ll include the link, but I felt like this individual described almost perfectly the things that I’ve been experiencing.
As time went on, the seizures started to become troublesome in that the initial feeling of joy was replaced by fear and anxiety, the sense of connection replaced by disconnection, alienation and feelings of unreality. They were often precipitated by going up a flight of stairs, reason unknown but it seemed to be a major trigger or provocant for me. The warning or aura usually started with a strong sense of Jamais vu (familiar surroundings become unrecognisable) or Déjà vu (if I was somewhere unfamiliar it would be as if I’d been there before). There would be intense anxiety and always a strange rising feeling in my guts; random memory flashbacks which seemed to have nothing to do with my life but included childlike feelings, psychic feelings and reminiscences which were buried deep in my subconscious suddenly filled me with an intense nostalgia. I would often have auditory hallucinations, usually music or distorted, muffled sounds, like the sound of people talking underwater. Perception of passing time was also distorted. I gave some thought to the possibility that I might be becoming psychic in some way, not knowing that I was having seizures. These thoughts were preferable to thoughts that I might be dying of a brain tumour – I didn’t dare tell anyone what I was going through.
That pretty much describes how I’ve been feeling. The stuff he said about random memory flashbacks is spot on. I’ve had stuff pop into my mind that I know there is no chance I could’ve recalled it if offered a million dollars. Really I can’t comment much on what he said because I would just be repeating everything that is in the block quote. I’ve googled people who have temporal lobe seizures and a very large majority all seem to have the reoccurring deja vu and the psychic phenomena. Trust me when I say that I’ve looked at all kinds of different possibilities as to what is happening to me. Out of everything that I’ve looked up, my experiences and symptoms fit very strongly with TLE. If I was a betting man, that’s where I would put my money.
I’ve tried to tell myself that whatever I’m hearing is just going to be something that happens to me or around me later in the day, because most of the time it usually is. However, my subconscious mind tends to put identities of people that I know as the voices when it’s never them. I didn’t know that it was my pastor saying “terminal” and “cancer” when I originally heard them the day before, but sure enough, he was saying them the following morning. I’ve been praying that I would have wisdom as to what this is and why this is happening. Maybe this is God giving me some answers. I mean, what if they find out that this is what it is and put me on anti-convulsant medicine that makes the auras go away. Also, if this does happen to be temporal lobe epilepsy and it goes untreated, I’ve already read several stories of people having much worse seizures later down the road. That’s something that I want to avoid, if you know what I mean?
Well, that’s all for now. Till next time.