Sometimes you have to look foolish if you really care about someone. I imagine that I have appeared very foolish to many people over the last two years. I don’t remember the last time that we talked, but I can tell you that the beginning of the night went well. We had dinner, and we talked as though there hadn’t been a single day in between our conversations. The conversation very easily was picked right back up. I enjoyed that evening for so many different reasons, but I think that the most obvious is because I was sitting across from my best friend.
I’ve figured out that in this life you’ll probably have two to three people that you just connect with on a whole different level than anyone else. I felt as though this was one of those people, and that night didn’t do anything to change how I felt. Unfortunately, the night ended poorly. This was mainly due to me making poor decisions in the thick of things, but nonetheless it tainted an otherwise wonderful evening.
The only thing that I walk away from that evening wondering is whether or not she saw me in the same light that I saw her. This was someone that I didn’t have to try and be friends with. You know, some people you really do have to try and find things to talk about or general conversation topics. I don’t think we ever really had that problem. In fact, we even had many heated debates on controversial topics. I’m not sure that I ever conveyed my feeling of deep respect that I had for her. Even on the issues that we agreed to disagree on, I don’t know that I’ve ever respected a person as much because of how they are able to convey their points in a conversation.
I say all of that to say this. Here we are at the start of a new year and I’m still racking my brain trying to figure out how we got here. Rather, I should say how I got here. I wish there was a way to give back the time that I took from her. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and cast some kind of spell like in Harry Potter, but unfortunately real life is much different than that. Still, I find that though we no longer communicate that her presence is felt in subtle ways. It could be a song on my playlist that takes me back to a different time, or now finding comfort in things that she once enjoyed too. I ask myself questions, such as why did I never watch Doctor Who until after we stopped talking? For whatever reason, I never really gave it a chance when we were still friends.
Honestly, there are parts of me that originally started watching because I wanted to see what all the craze was about. Wouldn’t you know it? I’m now a Doctor Who fan who happens to be in the middle of Matt Smith’s last season I believe. I see now why people say that David Tennant is their favorite Doctor. I must admit that the change from him to Matt Smith was very jarring for me at first. Now I find myself not wanting the doctor to change to the person I will refer to as, “that very old guy”, Peter Capaldi. There is just something about him that I’ve already decided I don’t like. I’ve yet to see an episode with him as the doctor, so I hope to be proven wrong in my pre-judgement of him, but we shall see.
I think she is another reason why I got back into video games. I used to really enjoy playing video games when I was younger. I’ll admit that before I started playing x-box one my last video game system was the Nintendo Gamecube. Yeah, that’s right…the ole gamecube. Although oddly enough, I find myself wishing that I had the money to get a Nintendo Switch because of the beautiful new Legend of Zelda game set to release at launch. I’m serious when I say that I think the new nintendo system would be worth it just for that one game. Maybe it could even rival the Ocarina of Time as the best Zelda game.
I’ve got way off topic here, but I didn’t want the whole thing to be one big blog post about my long lost friendship. I’m still coming to the realization that the shipped has more than likely sailed on our friendship. It’s like when you have done everything that you could possibly do and then some, but it just isn’t meant to be. It sucks to say that if it was, then it would be. The sad part is that there are times I get my hopes up for no apparent reason, only to later come to the same realization I’ve had before. It’s just not in the cards.
I’ve given her this address and told her that I have been blogging. So there is a .0000001 percent chance that she will read this. There’s even a slightly lesser chance that it will cause her to change her mind. However, if she is reading this right now, just know that I will forever treasure our friendship and I doubt if I’ll ever meet someone quite like you again. That’s not to say that I won’t have meaningful friendships with other people, because those have definitely been developing, but I go back to what I said earlier. Sometimes, you just connect with someone on a whole different level. The memories that are created with those people are simply unforgettable and timeless.
I am thankful that I have this blog to kind of hash things out. It has been helpful. I’m thankful for the readers who come and visit. You all give me a place to let my feelings fly and my emotions rumble. So a very special thank you to all of you. I hope to continue blogging on into 2017 so stay tuned. Till next time…