Latest update and other stuff

I am now two days away from being off antipsychotic drugs and a couple weeks longer of being off antidepressants. I find that as more time passes, the more difficult it gets. Last time I saw my doctor she wanted to up my antidepressant dose. She seemed to think that my fatigue and apathy is stemming from depression.

The problem with all of these medications is that none of them have worked. I might as well be a zombie if I want to take antipsychotics and if I want to weigh over 300 pounds. I believe I’ve been on at least half a dozen antipsychotic drugs and none of them helped reduce my symptoms.

For many months now I’ve been taking over the counter sleep aids in the form of Diphenhydramine hcl. I take the 25 mg pill, but here’s the thing….I’m taking anywhere between 8-12 pills at one time. That’s anywhere from 200 to 300 mg. Even on that high of a dose there are nights I still have trouble sleeping.

I got very angry today toward someone. Apparently the doctor that this person sees seems to think that hearing voices is very common and is easily treatable with the right medication. I got angry because I’ve told this person multiple times that I’ve already tried multiple medications and they have not worked. I have also expressed my extreme hatred of those drugs. Don’t repeat the same damn thing to me after I’ve shared information with you. It only shows me that person hasn’t listened to me or doesn’t care about what I’ve said.

I have two things that I try and use to escape the fact that there is a constant chatter or conversation going on every waking moment. Those two things are music and video games. In both instances I put headphones on in hopes of drowning out the chatter. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t.

I would like to take a few moments to give my thoughts on a game I’m currently playing called The Witcher 3. I had been hesitant to play the game because of certain content issues that I thought would arise. My review of course is from a Christian perspective so take from it what you will.

I am pleasantly surprised during my short time with the game so far to report that not only have I not been bothered by the content, but I actually real enjoy the premise of the story. A certain event allowed magic to enter the earth. It’s conveyed that humans decided to learn about this magic and use it for selfish reasons and self gain. The result was a world where monstrous creatures started to abound which leads to the rise of Witchers.

Witchers are contracted out by people to get rid of evil monsters and such. However, they end up being treated as outcasts even though they are the ones helping the people. 

As I said, I’m still very early on in the game, but there is something very compelling about playing as a character who is somewhat of a hero, but is also very ostracized and isolated in the world which he helps.

Of course there’s magic, spells, sorcery, and whatnot in the game. Though if you’ve watched any fantasy based movie, TV show, or something else recently, there’s not much difference. One day I’ll write a blog about my research concerning why Christians seem accepting of some magic, yet are quick to condemn many other forms. Magic is magic. There is no good magic and bad magic…but I’ll save the rest for next time. As always, if you’ve stuck around to read all this, I really appreciate it. Blessings.


One thought on “Latest update and other stuff

  1. Sorry to hear your having trouble , I have people say similar things to me about meds it’s like they literally have no capacity to hear anything past the meds it’s like there delusional about them😆. If you have already tried my next suggestion please ignore, I have been experimenting with autogenics and mindfulness it takes time to work but can be helpful with mood. In the last week tried OSHO medatation it’s bit weird but i already experienced a state of mind where I just observe my voices and experience for the most part and not react to it and basically just empty my head. Best of luck whatever road you chose the hearing voices experience can be extremely difficult to live with.

    Liked by 1 person

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